Celia Edell is a 22 year old Canadian feminist blogger. She works as a volunteer at a sexual assault centre in her town London, ON and attends Western University. Celia has been blogging and posting videos under the name
Ceedling for a couple years now. She discusses (openly) about generalized anxiety
here. You can also find her writings
here.
Hi Celia, thanks for your time. Let's get started. Do you have any upcoming projects for 2014?
It's hard to say what's going to happen in 2014, I try to take things as they come. But I think it's going to be an exciting year for me... I'll be moving away from home, starting grad school and hopefully learning and sharing what I learn with my youtube and blogger friends and followers.
Not only do you talk about anxiety, but you also discuss feminism and beauty in your YouTube videos. What's your definition of beauty?
My definition of beauty is authenticity. By that I don't mean being/looking "natural" I mean presenting yourself in the way that feels the most authentic to who you are... Whatever that looks like to you, that's beautiful.
What are your go-to make-up products?
I love gold eyeshadow, I think it is endlessly flattering and fun. I also can't live without lipstick and blush. (Although I can and do use lipstick as blush sometimes!)
Do you have a specific skincare routine?
I have tried lots of skincare routines in the past, but I think it's mostly time that has helped my skin improve over the years. Currently, I wash my face with a clinique beauty bar and moisturize with coconut oil.
How often do you change your hair colour?
It honestly depends! I went through phases of changing it every month, other times I change it every 3-5 months. I'm about to change it this week!!
As a feminist, who are your favourite feminists?
I'd have to say I have learned the most about feminism from Bell Hooks. But my favourite feminists are also the people I've come to know through the internet, my friends, my professors... Everyone who's helped me learn about that which I don't personally experience, and articulate that which I have experienced.
When do you feel most empowered?
When I write something that I'm really proud of... an essay, an article, or a poem. I feel empowered when I can express myself in a way that feels genuine and important (to me). It's been really eye opening. I've had so many people in my life approach me to say they watched my videos and can relate to it, or are proud of me for expressing it. I've always been open about my anxiety but talking about it on a platform has made me much more vulnerable. Strangely enough, I don't feel vulnerable. It feels powerful to know people are listening to me and knowing they aren't alone in their anxiety. It's made my relationships stronger and more open. And it's given me an outlet to talk about things I might've otherwise kept to myself.
Has anxiety changed or limited the way you do things?
It hasn't limited me, no. I think if anything, it's made me more honest with my friends and family about who I am and what I deal with on a regular basis. I can't pretend that anxiety isn't a big part of my life because well, it is - and I've made that pretty clear.
Could you share your own experiences with being on medication? Pros and cons?
I've had a really good experience with anxiety medication. I've been on meds (zoloft to be exact) since grade 5... I've had times I didn't take it, sometimes for months or even a year or 2, but it truly does help me. It takes away the thoughts that are crippingly negative, it lets me take control of my worries in a more rational way. Meds aren't for everyone, people react differently to them, but it's worth a try if you are having a hard time dealing. Remember that anxiety, like depression or other mental illness, is chemical. It's okay to need help.
School sort of forces people to choose between mental health and "good grades", any tips on how to balance the two?
My advice is to take things at your own pace and ask for help. In school, my anxiety makes it very difficult to rush through assignments. I find that the closer to the due date, the harder it is for me to write because I get so anxious about finishing in time. So I learned to start all my assignments really early, and work on them all slowly until the due date. I'm not the fastest worker, but that's what works for me. And when I can't handle my work load I ask for help. Also, it's super important to give yourself time to relax. I basically never do school work after 9PM. That's my cut-off, after 9, it's time to watch TV, unwind, and go to sleep. If I didn't give myself that, I wouldn't be able to buckle down the next day and get stuff done.
What are some ways to cope with anxiety that work best for you?
Talking about what's giving me the anxiety - take your worry to the extreme. If you're anxious about an exam, think about what is the worst possible outcome. You fail the exam, maybe you fail out of school. I try to tell myself that even the worst outcome is not the end of the world. It would surely suck, but it's not the end. And sometimes thinking about the worst outcome helps you realize how unlikely it actually is that it would happen. Failing one exam does not mean failing school. It means a slightly lower grade, or re-doing a class. This method helps me get perspective.
Any more advice?
Accept yourself for who you are and how you think. I used to be angry at myself for my inability to live in the moment. Anxiety means constantly living in the future, thinking about the what-ifs, and I wanted so badly to live right now and allow the future to just happen. That's not how I think though and accepting that, while still trying to allow the future to unfold and take things as they come has taken a lot of pressure off myself. I'm able to know that I will always think about the what-ifs, but I will also have moments without them and I need to enjoy those moments.
What's on your recently played playlist?
I am loving M.I.A's new album MATANGI and Haim's album Days are Gone. I've also been listening to Yeesus (getting pumped to see him this month!)
Top 5 books.
Feminist Theory from Margin to Center by Bell Hooks, The Human Condition by Hannah Arendt, I Am No One You Know by Joyce Carol Oates, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, and The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Top 5 shows/movies.
Twin Peaks, Breathless, Vertigo, Six Feet Under, and The Simpsons.
Find Celia here:
